Tuesday night ride report - 4/10/12

Next week someone please remind me there’s no need to do the 20 mile pre-ride ride before the Tuesday night ride. That was my first mistake - there were more to follow.

Everything from tonight is more or less a blur, the accuracy of this report is suspect. Feel free to correct any errors or ommissions.

First off, it totally sucked going up Prospect and seeing the B group pulled over to the side with Big Dave bleeding profusely. I don’t know much of the details other than a. a car pulled out too onto Prospect St. causing the accident, and b. Big Dave is apparently okay. Someone please post details of what happened.

The new Cat B+ ride started off a little late, someone decided he wanted a pair of knee warmers before heading out, but was shamed out of it by one of the managers at the shop – apparently it’s frowned upon holding up the ride for the sake of comfort. If he had sold me the right size when I bought the originals last weekend this problem could’ve been avoided. But in this case the customer was wrong.
Oh well, there were bigger problems ahead than riding barelegged.
Good thing I brought that 1 GU with me – that lasted me all of about 30 minutes before the effects wore off.
I was screwed all the way around tonight staring with that pre-ride ride, lack of food and water, and being totally outclassed by others in the group.

Oh, I suppose you’re all less interested in the whine and more interested in what may or may not have happened tonight as seen from my perspective.
Well this is it, rode out of the parking lot, up Prospect St, saw the carnage from the B ride.
Steve pulled with the GIRL on 2nd wheel, lights went out – and some 30 miles later we pulled into GW. That's the whole story.

Somewhere in between I remember a couple of things.
I was on the front as we hit the top of Prospect and started to roll down Shopping Plaza Hill – there was a traffic light at said shopping plaza, it was turning from green to red. 9 times out of 10 I run that light, and 9 times out of 10 in years past I would get yelled at for running that light.
New year, new rules, no slowing for a red light unless it’s a 4 way intersection.
Mea culpa to the group – I paid the price as they rolled by and I tried to catch the last wheel down to Mechanic St.
We stopped, we rolled onto Mechanic, it got fast again real quick.
Dust was flying up, Noah was showing off again - I have to admit, it was somewhat impressive watching him doing his off road stuff. The dust reminded me of sections of Paris Robaix this past weekend.
And speaking of that race (this will only make sense to about 4 people), yes, I know, it's Fortini, not Fortunini or Fettachini - I'm glad I was able to amuse some of you this past sunday. And in case you're wondering, no, the upgrade did not come through so there'll be no Battenkill as a 4 this year. I'm kinda relieved.

Okay, back to the show - as it always does, the real fun began as we took the right onto 70 – I have to admit that was good fun, no more worrying about riders blowing up on that stretch, the group was on a fairly level playing field as far as fitness goes. People did their pulls, some longer than others, nonetheless we kept it together to the end as we turned right onto 117 and then onto Langden.
Landen was fun – I was 3rd wheel – the 2 in front of me did their work, I think I did okay on my pull before pulling off and letting the group pull though.
All night it was the same old story, take a pull, peel off and then do everything in my powers to catch that last wheel without becoming road kill.
Turned off Langden and headed over the gravel towards ALC.
This is when the trouble started. I thought I heard what I didn’t want to hear – the unmistakable sound of a hiss from a tire going flat.
Fuck me! (sorry kids, this blog is now R rated).
I’ve gotten 6 flats on rides this year, there is one common denominator – every ride I’ve flatted on had one particular friend on every one of those rides. He’ll remain nameless only because he had me over for Easter dinner – and his wife is an amazing cook.
The flat change was a complete cluster f*ck because I don’t perform well under pressure. Let’s just keep this our little secret because I don’t want the word to get out on the street. Just in case.
I swear I checked the tire before rolling out, it was clean.
Made it 20 feet before that hissing sound reared it’s ugly head once again. Rookie mistake, didn’t check the tire close enough, Noah realized the piece of glass stuck in the side, picked it out, changed the tube in record time (Jeff Gordon’s pit crew isn’t as fast as Noah when it comes to replacing a tire).
By then I was pissed – I felt I owed it to the group to blow myself up and pull for as long as possible – I think I made it to the 5 corners, and then some more as we rolled left onto 110.
Dumb move on my part – this is not the group to be playing heroics with – I burned more than a couple of matches on that pull and I was in the puke zone as I grabbed last wheel and held on for dear life over the next couple of miles.
Thankfully we forked off to the left (instead of those punchy hills towards Nashoba) and headed towards Bolton Orchards. The light there is always red, thank God recovery time was close at hand.
It was red!
Until we got about ¼ mile from there and then it went green, story of my night, more bad luck, no recovery, more work to be done.
Everyone seemed to be pegging it trying to make the light.
Save for one, and it wasn't moi.
WtF – I looked up and the GIRL was in complete hysterics, throwing her arms up in the air, violently pointing at something – and then I realized what had happened.
I hate calling people out, but Frodo Baggins for some unexplainable reason decided to sit up and let a big gap open – the GIRL took off, I had a choice, grab the GIRL’s wheel, or suffer humiliation – I grabbed the wheel and held on with every milligram of that GU I had left inside of me and made it through the intersection.
I think we were together heading towards Harvard – Recovery started to set it, it was almost enjoyable riding the stretch into Harvard – even the small hill where the nuns hang out wasn’t bad.
I like nuns - not the good ones serving a higher cause (well I admire their dedication), but the ones in the videos that wear stilletos. Ah maybe we should keep this between us as well.
On the front again, I wasn't happy, on a mission, I was bound and determined to shed Frodo and one or two others.
Turned left onto the hill up to Fruitlands, this is where I wanted the attrition to happen.
I think it might’ve worked.
But that’s when bad luck struck again – I heard the commotion behind, I hate that sound worse than the hissing of a flat. Someone went down.
Unavoidable – Robin bumped wheels with Tyler, these things happen, Robin went down, fortunately other than the adrenaline rush and a couple of scrapes, she was okay. Tyler felt bad for a slight drop in acceleration, Shawnee felt bad for running over his friend Robin. And I felt bad because Baggins was still with us.
Which played perfectly into Frodo's hand, time for him to recover.
There’d be no more chances to shed him.
This week anyway.
The rest of the ride was fast, but uneventful – we turned left onto 110 and headed towards Ayer, there was some confusion with the path those in the front picked around the safety barrels set up in the construction zone. Made it through those okay, no regrouping needed at the rotary – heading through downtown Ayer, we pissed off more than a few motorist trying to make it down the same road.
Straight through down towards Devens – rough pavement turns real nice – the group was flying as we went up and over the little bump over the bridge, more pain was being dished out by Steve – who the hell invited him on this ride anyway? He and JC just got back from a month of training in Spain and both were flying like Valverde when he was sporting the national champion colors of Spain.
I didn’t mind being on Steve’s wheel because I felt no pressure to hold it whenever he took off – I’m not proud, I’d let the gap open, he could sit up or ride a solo TT because I had the rest of the group behind me.
But again, it held together pretty well all the way into Shirley where we held our last regroup and a summit meeting of sorts.
At the summit it was agreed there’d be a truce on the 2 painful climbs left – Keating, and the hill up to the summit of Prospect.
If I had a dollar for every time I heard that one (as well as the “it’s only going to be an leisurely pace”), I would be doing more riding and less working.
I trust no one, especially in this group – I could see certain riders salivating as the hill up Keatings stood before us – and then it was game on – Shawnee and Re went, I'm sure Steve did as well, there were others, I was looking down at the pavement trying not to think about certain things, like vomiting, others passed me, I managed to pick off a couple.
And then out of nowhere the hero of the night, one Frodo Baggins, finally decides he’s going to grab some KOM points. Well played, the guy sits in all night, does 0 work, and makes his one heroic effort with less than 5 miles to go.
To top it off once at the top of the hill Frodo pulled about 20 feet off to the left to let others do the work of bridging the gap Shawnee and Re’ opened up.
That’s when the real hero emerged – SHE wasn’t happy, SHE actually frightened me with her anger because I had her wheel and I always get scared when SHE flips the finger, mutters some obscenities, goes into the drops and buries it. Anyone in their right mind would be frightened too.
Unfortunately there was no way in hell SHE was going to be able to shut it down. The gap was at least 100-150 yards, Shawnee and Re’ are strong. But then again, SHE was pissed, and let this be a lesson to any guy reading this - never underestimate what an angry woman can do. There had to be at least 100-200 yards to close – no way.
I was buried deep inside the cave, I had everything I could do to hold her wheel, I would’ve even given her some help in the attempt to bridge the impossible, but SHE was having none of that – sure as shit I could see the impossible happening, SHE was closing it.
And about 2 minutes later SHE did closed it.
Hero of the night award goes to the girl.
At that point I was toast, I didn’t care about anything anymore except making it to the shop and having a liquid refreshment. So I got dropped going up to the summit of Prospect. The lights at the bottom of Prospect are the great equalizer, caught the group there.
We all finished together.
Other than the 2 flats and the mishap up to Fruitlands, it was an awesome night with 10 or so of my favorite people in the whole world.
Thanks Noah for the help with the flats, and everyone else for riding strong and steady all night. Made for a very fun (but painful) night.