Legs on Fire Tuesday Night Gear Works Ride: Training techniques to prepare for next year

So I've been seeing this psychologist to help me improve my life.
When we finally got to the heart of the matter she pointed out that my life only seemed to suck because of my inability to perform well, on the bike. "Unless you can get over your feelings of inadequacy on the bike, you'll never be able to conquor them in the bedroom" she said in a voice that vauguely reminds me of Dr. Ruth (for those of you born before 1980 you probably don't remember Dr. Ruth so look it up) - she's one of those tough love shrinks who doesn't pull punches (sometimes I hate her).

I reluctantly admitted to her of my fear of humiliation as the group takes that finishing turn onto Rt 70, knowing the pain and suffering and ultimate failure that that occurs over those last 4 torturous miles.

"It starts out easy enough" I tell her, I sandbag the last 1/2 hour of the ride to ensure I have enough gas in the tank to accomplish my game plan.

"But that isn't fair to the rest of the group" she tell me, I don't care, I want to be a tuesday night hero.

I recount for her those last 4 miles down Rt 70, how as we turn onto rt 70 I hold my cards close to the vest, but I know others have it figured it out and are waiting to pounce -I start slow, wait, patience is a virtue I tell myself, let some of the others take a pull, slowly move up, one rider at a time, "don't draw attention to yourself" I tell myself, slowly move into a posistion near the front of the pack. Timing is everything, I do some mental math, 3 minutes gone, 3.5 miles to go. Time to launch the attack - I get out of the saddle, start pedaling in a 53/15, on the slight downturn shift down to the 12 - "play your cards right this time" I tell myself.

"it's a good stratagy" she tells me.

But then I admit what happens to me next, the sense of worry, "how long can I keep this up?", and then it happens, the slow burn in my legs and lungs begins to grow warmer, and warmer, hotter and hotter into a full blown inferno, both my legs and lungs on fire - "I'm too old for this crap" I tell myself, "it ain't worth it", "if I can pull a top 20 I'll be happy" even though there are only 15 of us on the ride -

I hear the sounds of changing gears, riders behind me shifting up or down to suit their cadance, getting ready for the spring, slowly I find myself starting to give up as I hear the sounds of wheels and rubber twisting across the tarmac, closing in, that's when I've pretty much tossed in the towel and decide to call it a night.

And sure enough, the other riders begin passing me by, one by one - "must - hold - on" I tell myself. They ride on, I catch last wheel, the front attacker pulls off to let the paceling pull through, I struggle to stay on last wheel. I watch as the leader of the counter attack pulls in behind me, "Hold that wheel", the 3 words I hate the most - damn my legs hurt, not to mention my lungs and brain, toenails, nosehair and every other part of me - "why do I do this?" I asked myself week after week, I look behind me, I don't want to give up, the person on my wheel is counting on me to pull though, 1 rider, 2 riders, 3 riders pull off letting the paceling pull through - I can't stand it anymore, but I can't let the rider behind me down, choices to make - bail out or press on.

I opt for A and watch the other riders sprint forward winning a spot on the tuesday night podium.

I suck.

Back to Dr. Ruth - she told me I must turn my negative self talk to positive.
She suggested some positive thinking during my off season training; when I'm on the trainer I use vizualization techniques to help me with my sprint. "You can work on your pathetic climbing skills later" she says, sometimes she isn't very motivating.

"Start by vizualizing yourself as something strong and powerful as you take the turn onto Rt 70" she told me, I asked her for ideas and she suggested something like this:

"As you begin your assault on the trainer she told me, vizualize the explosive power that's going to erupt from your legs once you decide to make your move on the rest of the group - and don't play it the same way each week, don't hold back, attack as soon as you make the turn, it'll be unexpected and most riders cant deal with the though of a 4 mile sprint to the finish. And be prepared in case someone else in the group thinks they have the legs to carry them over those next several miles."
"Like this?" I asked her?

"Very good" she told me

She went on to tell me that once the power meter in your brain goes over 700w to visualize myself cruising along at a 40mph pace, cracking the mentally inferior riders as they watch me flying off the front, putting other riders in despair dropping them further and further behind as I begin churning out enough watts to turn the street lights in the city of Fitchburg back on. I close my eyes on the trainer and visualize the gap I begin opening up on the rest of the group as I turn on the afterburners - I can't help feeling impressed with myself thinking about how humiliating my overwhelming power is to the group behind me.